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Episode 129: A Good Day to Die Hard

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TagEdit

"Old cops never Die Hard, they just fade away. On this episode, we discuss [A] Good Day to Die Hard."

Website BlurbEdit

Yippee ki-yay, mother floppers.

Movie SummaryEdit

PremiseEdit

­This is a regular Under Siege, set in Russia.
     —Stuart @3:30

StoryEdit

Bruce Willis continues his mission to slowly but surely destroy the Die Hard franchise, this time with the help of Jai Courtney.
­[Jack McClane] points a gun at his dad and says "Dad, back off!" and drives away.
     —Elliott @09:59
­It feels like they decided to set this movie in Moscow because they couldn't think of a crime-riddled, lawless, yet super-populated city in America to do it in.
     —Stuart @11:41
­If you're a deadbeat dad, that's all you have to do: save your child from terrorists.
     —Elliott @16:45
­So that's the movie. They saved the world, they managed to patch up their relationship. They managed to kill, I'm just going to say, on the outside, this is a conservative estimate, three hundred and fifty Russians.
     —Elliott @38:14

Final JudgmentsEdit

  • Bad-Bad Movie (Stuart) @39:05
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Dan) @40:10
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Elliott) @43:26

Episode HighlightsEdit

TangentsEdit

  • The Mystery of the Punctured Clock, complete with Sound Effects @00:52
  • Elliott would have liked a funnier movie, but that funnier movie is definitely not one of the following:
    • Police Academy Goes to Moscow AKA Police Academy: Mission to Moscow
    • Moscow Nights
    • White Knights
    • Minnie in Moscowitz
    • Knight Riders, George Romero's retelling of the Arthurian legend on motorcycles
    • Night and the City
    • Night of the Demon
    • First Knight with Sean Connery
    • Dragon Knight
    • Bordello of Blood
  • Richard Grieco is NOT on vacation in If Looks Could Kill @09:06, @28:16
  • Madripoor @12:12
  • Dan's new fetish: Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle @15:55
  • Hannibal @17:03
    • ­I'd like to imagine there's a scene where Hannibal is pushing his shopping cart through the grocery store and he sees on the shelf a Manwich and he goes, "If only..."
           —Elliott
    • Hashtag MadAboutMads
  • Pervazoids @22:04
  • Russians always kill each other in saunas @26:42
  • Dan's Knee @34:51
  • Juan Baptista dos Santos, the circus sideshow performer with two working penises @35:25
  • Bruce Willis bald jokes @37:46
  • Nudity @1:04:51
  • Back to the Future @1:05:07
  • Event Horizon @1:05:10

Movie PitchesEdit

  • Hudson on the Moscow
A reverse Moscow on the Hudson. Bruce Willis goes to Russia to start his own police force. Hilarious mishaps ensue. @06:57
  • Project X Squared
Chimps throw a party at a house when their parents aren't home. @13:05
  • Titus Androgynous
David Bowie stars. @32:08

QuotesEdit

­The only thing we remember about 10,000 BC is what they called mammoths in it.
     —Elliott @08:02
­I believe that John McClane is a smoked, dried, cured meat.
     —Elliott @29:02

Listener MailEdit

Mailbag SongEdit

@47:25
Elliott: (sung) Flop House Movie Mail Bag/It's a bag of mail that we found under a bridge/These letters are addressed to Santa but we'll answer them anyway/Santa, if you're listening, here's what they want for Christmas (for Christmas)/Santa here's the mail bag
Stuart: (sung) I'm Santa and I hear you Elliott/Where are those letters you told me about?
Elliott: (sung) We've got them here in a bag/It's a mail bag, a mail bag of letters for Santa and us/But they're ours now and it's gonna cost ya, fat man, if you want these letters from the mailbag you lost under a bridge/Whaddya say to that, Kringle?
Stuart: (sung) How DARE you, weird Elliott kid?/Why are you wearing a beanie with a propeller on it?
Elliott: (sung) 'Cause I'm a kid and that's what kids wear while we're eating Go-Gurt and riding our skateboards with slingshots
Dan: I think that this isn't setting up the segment properly.
Elliott: (sung) For Christmas I want some chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs in the Flop House Mail Bag (Flop House Mail Bag! Reading Rainbow!)
Stuart: Wow, that one was great!

LettersEdit

I Love the Show from Freddy Packalon @48:45
David Kalan @49:15
Castle Freak @49:33
What are the tell-tale signs of a good-bad movie?
Get Over Yourself, Elliott from Kuffy Lastnamewithheld @53:55
Kuffy calls out Elliott for calling out Dan
Head of the Family Fan Review from Carson Lastnamewithheld, You Weirdos @55:15
­My only real criticism of the movie is that the Head's family members are supposed to have super powers, but I'm pretty sure that Otis' indiscriminate punching of receptionists doesn't qualify.
     —Dan reading Carson's prose @56:37
Greetings from Australia from Tom Cushing @57:58
A listener is turning into a Flopper
­Jesus Christ. Come on, guys.
     —Dan @59:16

RecommendationsEdit

  • Full Contact (1992) by Ringo Lam (Elliott) @1:03:40
  • Space Jail (2012) by Stephen St. Leger, James Mather (Stuart) @1:01:56
  • Sudden Death (1995) by Peter Hyams (Stuart) @1:02:03
  • Twilight's Last Gleaming (1977) by Robert Aldrich (Dan) @1:02:15
  • Under Siege (1992) by Andrew Davis (Stuart) @1:01:47

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