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TagEdit

"It's the long-awaited Roger Ebert tribute episode."

Website BlurbEdit

Ebert was right about you.

Movie SummaryEdit

­I'm a commercial actress. Now I would like to be a respected one.
     —Demi Moore[1]

Warning to StudentsEdit

­Not very many people have read the book.
     —Demi Moore[2]
If you planned on watching this film adaptation for your English Lit. class instead of actually reading the 1850 Nathaniel Hawthorne novel, Know Ye This. The movie is a particularly notorious hatchet job. The story and characters are almost completely different. You will flunk the test.

PremiseEdit

A headstrong, nonconforming Puritan colonist with an absent husband is persecuted by her sexually-repressed community for becoming pregnant by a life-affirming extramarital affair. Things only get worse when she refuses to name the father.

StoryEdit

What if Nathaniel Hawthorne had written a trashy romance novel? It might have looked something like this.

EndingEdit

­So we changed the ending of the book. It doesn't matter. The book is not cinematic. We wanted a satisfying ending to a very tragic story. I don't want to walk away unsatisfied.
     —Demi Moore[3]
Love triumphs over adversity!

Final JudgmentsEdit

Roger Ebert's contemporaneous review of the film (paraphrasing here): it sucks ass.
  • Ebert was right. (Elliott) @40:25
  • Ebert was right. (Stuart) @41:24
  • Ebert was right. (Dan) @41:25

Episode HighlightsEdit

Movie PitchesEdit

The Scarlet Letter 2: Better Red Than Dead @34:55
The continuing adventures of previously supporting characters Fake Beard and Wide Hat. AKA The Scarlet Letter 2: Scarlet Again and The Scarlet Letter 2: Letter B.

QuotesEdit

­Why couldn't we have watched Blue Velvet?
     —Elliott @2:48
­Real hair looks fake on camera.
     —Dan @13:36
­Something else gets stuck in a mud hole later.
     —Stuart @17:00

Listener MailEdit

"The Show Is Beautiful" from Brandon Lastnamewithheld @42:15
Brandon pitches a movie where Nicolas Cage tortures the Floppers.
"Is Stuart's Ding-Dong All Right?" from Eric Lastnamwithheld @46:09
Is Stuart the man high on mushrooms who ripped off part of his own ding-dong?
"I Found Gooby" from Chris Lastnamewithheld @48:21
Gooby is spotted in Oakland.
"Super Flop House Brothers" from Eric Lastnamewithheld @52:01
What was the last video game the Floppers enjoyed?

RecommendationsEdit

Wild Zero (1999) by Tetsuro Takeuchi (Stuart) @01:01:00
Much Ado About Nothing (2012) by Joss Whedon (Dan) @01:01:38
Two Women (1960) by Vittorio De Sica (Elliott) @01:04:05

FootnotesEdit

  1. "Moore Defends Salary, Stripping and Scarlet." Chicago Sun-Times 15 October 1995.
  2. Stephanie Mansfield. "Hollywood's Literary Bent." Style 4 August 1995.
  3. "Moore Defends Salary, Stripping and Scarlet." Chicago Sun-Times 15 October 1995.

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