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Episode 163: Dracula 3D

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TagEdit

"Shocktober continues with Dario Argento's Draccala."

Website BlurbEdit

"Shocktober continues/ends with Dario Argento totally forgetting everything he knew about filmmaking (and we don't even like him that much) with Dracula 3D. Meanwhile, Dan reveals the alternate, director's cut ending to Escape (The Piña Colada Song), Elliott out-pervs the pervazoid with his demands for more nudity, and Stuart once again astounds with his facility for accents."

Movie SummaryEdit

PremiseEdit

Dan: This is basically Dracula.
Elliott: It's — well it's called "Dracula"!
Stuart: Literally "Dracula".
Elliott: That's not a big scoop! Not like — look, they just stole the story from Dracula, called it Dracula, and that is the end of it.
@13:30

StoryEdit

  • ­So, we all know the plot of Dracula. This is, this is at times a fairly straightforward telling of the Dracula story, but then it's clear that they wanted to put more action in it and could not afford certain things. So, like, instead of Harker going to Transylvania then Dracula coming to England, everyone just goes to Transylvania. There's no English stuff.
         —Elliott @14:05
  • ­It is less scary than a box of Count Chocula.
         —Stuart @29:55
Dan: Asia Argento is known for taking her clothes off in movies. More so, I think, than anything else.
Stuart: Wait... more so than her acting abilities?
Dan: I —
Stuart: — or that she's the daughter of a famous director?
Dan: I feel like, I feel like I'm, like, someone telling... I'm telling Stuart that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Yes, Asia Argento is mostly known for being naked in movies.
@15:10

Final JudgmentsEdit

  • Frighteningly Funny (Stuart) @37:30
  • Frighteningly Funny (Elliott) @37:40
  • Frighteningly Funny (Dan) @38:00

Episode HighlightsEdit

TangentsEdit

Movie PitchesEdit

QuotesEdit

  • ­Boobs: the cheapest effect.
         —Elliott @10:35
  • ­In Dark Crystal — the Skeksis were the heroes, as far as I'm concerned.
         —Elliott @49:15

Listener MailEdit

Mailbag SongEdit

@49:35

LettersEdit

"Questions Relating to Babies" from Flapjack Reilly @50:25
Elliott: A lot of people don't know that Bryan Cranston's the son of The Shadow.
Stuart: Did he inherit the psychic powers?
Elliott: Yes. That's how he's convinced everyone he's a good actor, when in fact he's a bad actor.
Stuart: Whoa! He's one of the "15 Actors You Thought Were Great But Are Actually Terrible"?
Elliott: Well, who are the others?
Stuart: I dunno. That's some kind of BuzzFeed article. You're roasted, BuzzFeed. You're burned.
Elliott: (Bryan Cranston's really good.)
"Worst Director in the World: David Mamet or Spike Lee?" from Trevor Middlenamewithheld Grimshawn @54:40
"Greetings from the UK" from Adam Lastnamewithheld @57:10
"Gifts for the Peaches" from Kitty Lastnamewithheld @1:01:50
Dan: The last letter... this is a handwritten note.
Elliott: It says: I HAVE YOUR WIFE.
Dan: It goes like this:
Dear Peaches,
I wanted to thank you for the many hours of delightful entertainment. Please find enclosed: a hat for Dan, a beer cozy for Stuart, and a tiny hat for Elliott for his newborn son. If you guys need any other knitted miscellany (dingdong cozies, etc.), let me know.
Perv on, Pervazoids,
Kitty Lastnamewithheld
P.S. I'm watching The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure at the moment. It's everything you said it would be.
Elliott: I don't know what a girl would get out of that movie.
Dan: I think, of all people, Kitty would get something —
Elliott: — well, Kitty might, yeah. Kitty is a regular commenter on the Facebook page, and —
Dan: — and is delightfully-sexed.
Elliott: — brings a lot of life and pervosity to it. Thank you very much for the hats!
Dan: Yeah, we received —
Stuart: And my beer hat.
Dan: — your knitted materials —
Stuart: It's a hat for my beer's bottom.
Elliott: And Sammy will look super cute in your hat.
Dan: I have to report with sadness that my wife looks much cuter in the hat that you knitted than I do. But that's probably just real life.
Stuart: I mean, yeah, shouldn't that make you happy that your wife looks cuter than you?
Dan: Yeah, I'll take it.
Elliott: I hate to break it to you, Dan —
Dan: What?
Elliott: Your wife is cuter than you.
Dan: Yeah.
Stuart: I'm assuming she looks better in most articles of clothing than you do.
Elliott: In pretty much anything.
Dan: I mean, you're gentlemen —
Elliott: Or nothing at all...?
Stuart: Wow!
Dan: I mean, I thought you were a gentleman, until you said that.
Elliott: I figured, give Dan a taste of his own medicine.
Dan: Hey.
Elliott: I'm giving you a taste of your medicine.
Stuart: Hoisted by his own...
Dan: I don't care.
Elliott: ... perv-tard.
Stuart: ... butt-tard.
Elliott: "Butt-tard"!
Dan: I really, genuinely don't care. I appreciate your appreciation.
Elliott: Anyway... now you made me feel gross.
Stuart: The way you say "I don't care" makes it weird.
Dan: I don't —
Elliott: Now you made me feel really gross.
Dan: No, it's fine.
Elliott: This was supposed to be... you were supposed to be mad, and then —
Dan: Not mad.
Elliott: — instead you were too open, and it made me feel gross.
Dan: I'm glad that you, I'm glad that you feel that way.
Elliott: No. Don't. Okay, let's stop.
Dan: Thanks, Elliott.
Elliott: Stop. I don't like it.
Dan: Good work.
Stuart: Gross.
Elliott: This became like that scene in Computer Chess where the, that swinger couple tries to get the one chess player to have sex with them. And I don't like that.

RecommendationsEdit

  • Duel (1971) by Steven Spielberg (Dan) @1:07:00
  • The Hitcher (1986) by Robert Harmon (Stuart) @1:10:35
  • Shadow of the Vampire (2000) by E. Elias Merhige (Elliott) @1:04:50

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