"We return from our extended Independence Day break with one of our dumbest movies yet, Sucker Punch, which combines the attention span of a toddler with the sophisticated sexuality of a 13-year-old. Meanwhile, Dan reveals some disturbing personal cartoon magazine-related habits, Elliott discovers a new love for felines, and Stuart inspires our readers to raise their voices about his voice."
It's like Zack Snyder saw Kill Bill and said, "That's good, but I'd like it to be much dumber, involve a lot of fetishization and almost-rapes, and have a ridiculously dumb "message" that supposedly makes the whole thing about "empowerment."
“Actually, in the original draft of The Fifth Element, the fifth element was chalk.” —Elliott @16:05
The weird thing about like watching this movie is how dirty it makes me feel. Like, when I've seen much dirtier things. But I feel like —
I mean, you're a disgusting person.
Sure. I'm a terrible person. I'm a terrible human being. But like, like there's a certain honesty in just like being like, this is like a fetish, the thing presented. Whereas this movie is like, we're gonna put a bunch of people in fetish gear and have a bunch of almost rapes, but we're gonna, you know, you know, pretend like it's a tale of empowerment and redemption.
“We were watching the movie, and then Stuart said: 'Hey, look at that cat!' And we saw Dan's cat was just lying on the kitchen floor, and I for about three minutes just watched the cat. And like my enjoy — If I had had one of those dials where you choose 'Like' or 'Dislike', I would have turned it way to 'Like', and then back to 'Dislike' when my eyes went back to the movie again.” —Elliott @32:55
As I said during the movie: This is not the most boring movie we've watched, but it is the stupidest movie we've watched.
Yeah. It may be the stupidest movie I've ever seen.