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aka: Stuh-olen

Tag[]

Dan: We may watch other movies, baby, but you know we love you best. We discuss Stolen, starring Nicolas Cage.

Website Blurb[]

NICHOLAS CA-AAAGE!

Official Show Notes[]

With movies like this in the world, every day is like Cagemas. Meanwhile, Elliott discusses the troubles with carrier Con Air, Dan makes reference to commercials you’d only see if you watch cable news in the middle of the day, and Stuart’s giant penis reemerges for spring.

Movie Summary[]

Premise[]

The same day that "America's greatest bank robber" gets paroled from prison, an old accomplice kidnaps his daughter and ransoms her for $10 million—which is approximately $9,999,900 more than he has.

Classic Nic Cage Dialogue[]

  • ­I'm not the squirrel playing with his nuts here.
           —@23:00
  • ­I was a bad man, but I've had eight long years to get rid of that man.
           —@26:25
  • ­Now how is it that after eight years, you have only gotten younger?
           —@28:35
  • ­You touch her, and I'll take you down the levee and kick your fucking ass!
           —@33:20
  • ­So help me god, Hoyt—you tell me where she is, or I'll blow your lunch all over this carpet.
           —@49:05
  • ­No, I didn't listen to CCR! That didn't work out so well the last time I did it!
           —@1:17:50

Final Judgments[]

  • Movie I Kinda Liked (Elliott) @36:00
  • between Good-Bad Movie and Movie I Kinda Liked (Dan) @36:10
  • "A hair below a Movie I Kinda Liked, and four hairs above a Good-Bad." (Stuart) @38:10

Episode Highlights[]

  • Dan's Knee @8:25
  • Bigfoot Fetish @9:25
  • Dan attempts to drag Elliott into his own wretchedness by declaring "Hey guys, Pervazoid #2 over here." Although Stuart initially concurs, Elliott adroitly squelches the accusation by invoking his recently-disclosed Bigfoot Fetish. @12:00
  • Gollum versus golem. @15:15
  • Flopper franchised restaurant concepts @19:50
    • Flop House Bag o' Chili™
    • Flop House Bag o' Cole Slaw
  • This film is particularly notable for its trailer in which the voiceover artist somehow pronounces Nicolas Cage's last name using two syllables.
  • Piranha 3D @49:50

Movie Pitches[]

Quotes[]

  • ­Nicolas Cage: the original castle freak.
           —Dan @32:45

Listener Mail[]

  • Elliott declares the letters segment to be Rated R. @39:15
"Flop House TV" from Ronnie Lastnamewithheld @39:35
Elliott Kalan: Starfucker

Recommendations[]

  • Only God Forgives (2013) by Nicolas Winding Refn (Stuart and Elliott) @55:15
  • Orphan Black (2013-2017) by Multiple (Dan) @Time
  • Hannibal (2013-2015) by Multiple (Dan) @Time
  • Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012) by John Hyams (Stuart) @Time
  • Room 237 (2012) by Rodney Ascher (Elliott) @Time

Mentioned In[]

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