- When Dan mispronounced the subtitle of Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time as "Through the Porthole of Time", Elliott launched into a monologue about a porthole... and a classic Flop House tangent was born.
- Episode 65: Old Dogs @38:20
- Episode 73: Devil @44:40
- Episode 83: I Am Number Four @5:52
- Episode 94: Conan the Barbarian @34:40
- Episode 147: Devil's Pass and Awards Floptacular @26:40
- Episode 195: The Golden Child @1:29:00
Dan: It was Through the Porthole of Time. Elliott: "Through the Porthole of Time"! Not the Portal of Time — the Porthole of Time! They're in the Time Boat! Dan: They're on a cruise... Elliott: The cruise that goes around the Caribbean and through time! Dan: Well, only if you go out through the porthole. If they stay on the boat... Elliott: All right, the captain asked me to give you a quick word of advice about your cabin. You are the one cabin that has the Porthole of Time. Please don't go through it. 'Cause you'll end up in Time. Otherwise enjoy it. We've got the spa on deck two, shuffle — you know what? Here's two free spa coupons, just don't open the Porthole of Time, please. Dan: Again, I cannot emphasize this enough: do not go through the Porthole of Time. Elliott: Let me just tell you that again. I don't know why you would go through a porthole at all... there's so much to do on the ship. I don't know why you would try to leave it. But just this particular porthole — Stuart: Buffets, they have buffets on the ship. Elliott: Midnight buffet every night, and you don't have to stay up late 'cause it starts at 11. Stuart: An adults-only dance... Elliott: Put the kids to bed! Dan: If you do happen to fall out the Porthole of Time, do not step on a butterfly. Please do not drop any shuffleboard equipment in the, uh... Elliott: ... that might crush a butterfly. Dan: That would change history. Enjoy our buffets. Elliott: Let me just tell you this: don't mess with the portholes, in general. Time or not. You know what? I'll make an announcement to the whole ship. Just stay away from the portholes. Don't open 'em, don't worry about it. Listen, we've got a whole mall on the ship. There's a pool. Why are you, why are you investigating the windows? Stuart: Again with the portholes. Elliott: Worried about the breeze? It's air conditioned. Just turn up the thermostat, or down, in the cabin. Anyway, so... see you tonight at the karaoke dinner. Dan: On the Lido deck. Elliott: If you have any questions — Dan: The Jared Leto deck. Elliott: — I am, again, the Purser. Stuart: The Boatswain recommends the veal. Elliott: You'll find him in the forecastle, on the poop deck, astern. Dan: And don't go up in the crow's nest. Elliott: Stay out of the rigging. Stuart: If you need to go ashore, the Coxswain will, uh... Elliott: We're on a boat. You don't have a lot of time, you tend to shorten words. So even the Porthole of Time, we call it "the Portime." So if you could just stay away from the Portime, that would be wonderful. Dan: Well, on that note... Stuart: What the fuck were we talking about? Elliott: No soap? I'll talk. There should be soap in the bathroom, if there's not I'll get it for you now. Towel? No, towels are in the closet, right here. Okay, great. The soap? I don't know why that is. I'll check it. Well, people tend to stay out of this cabin. We try not to book it, because again, the Porthole of Time. So maybe they just didn't refill the bathroom last time because there was no one staying in this cabin on the ship. But I'll get it for you. Dan: Well now that that... Elliott: Thank you! Oh, very generous, sir. Thank you, that's, I mean, again, not necessary but very much appreciated. Dan: Now that that bit of theater is over... Elliott: That was a tip at the end. Dan: Yeah, I understand. Elliott: That's from my one-man show Porthole of Time.