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Stuart Wellington

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Stuart Wellington is somewhat of an original party animal...it's his cross to bear. Once went on a trip to Yosemite so amazing they should have made a movie about it. It is his dream to one day kill a bear with a flamethrower.
Stuart is currently employed as a Scorpion Wrangler on The Daily Show. An accredited member of the press, per NYCC (aka Flopcon). They gave him a badge and everything.
Stuart can't help that texting and browsing the Internet is often more interesting than the movies. Have you SEEN some of those movies?
A Sexual Dynamo - no matter when you're reading this, he's still consumating his marriage. They'll talk about that on a future episode of the podcast. Stuart also perfected the "Fake male orgasm" which involves blindfolding a woman and spitting in her face.
In Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas, Stuart disclosed his ethnicity as a Juggalo.
Religious views: worships Crom.[2] Also, however: "I like Dagon. I'd worship him."[3]


  1. Episode 193: United Passions
  2. Episode 94: Conan the Barbarian
  3. Episode 50: Delgo @04:45

FactoidsEdit

  • Like to bowl for cheese
  • Infrequently plays the role of peacemaker, and is ordinarily the freshmaker.
  • During a period of unrest between the floppers, Stuart suggested some retooling of the Flophouse format. To wit: fewer bad movies, more pornographic movies, and instead of talking about the movie, to just masturbate as a group. Ultimately this was rejected since they had already tried that once, with at best mixed results. (Episode 68: Teen Witch)
  • In The Flop House production of Snow White, he would be "Cool Dwarf".
  • Has a secret wish to be a half-Duck/half-ninja turtle that lives in Duckburg, does not crave pizza, and has gadgets made by his buddy Gyro Gearloose.
  • Is not quite certain about what Netflix is, or how it works.

Personal TastesEdit

  • If you had to pin him down on what he wants in a movie, it needs a couple of basic components: boobs + vengeful dead old people. (But not Titanic.)
  • 1970s science fiction novels
  • All-time favorite film ever: 40 Days and 40 Nights. (repeated references throughout series)

Highly-Recommended FilmsEdit

Castle Freak
Head of the Family
The Invisible Maniac

Look-Alikes/Sound-AlikesEdit

Alter EgosEdit

CatchphrasesEdit

  • Hhheeeyyy... dduuddeess!
  • Mash-em-up (or, occasionally "Mix-em-up")
  • 10 wormy boners!
  • Spoookily good-bad!
  • Rufio! Rufio! Rufio!
  • Are there a lot of (thing that is obviously in the movie, or obviously not in the movie) in this movie?
  • (When taking over summary duties for an absent Elliott) Smash cut to [first scene of movie].

Stuart's Favorite JokesEdit

As mentioned in Episode 55: The Ugly Truth.
  1. Kicking someone in the crotch
  2. Ding-Dong sound effects
  3. Boobs popping out of a chick's shirt
  4. Foul-mouthed and/or rapping grannies
  • Farts (honorable mention)

LexiconEdit

Neologisms, obscure slang, and any terms that Stuart has to explain.
B-Buster
Blockbuster Video.
Episode 212: No Depo$it @1:11:30
bi-optional
A person at liberty of becoming bisexual.
chest butt
cleavage / décolletage
Episode 109: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Coney Island whitefish
A used and discarded condom.
Episode 134: Upside Down @37:00
cum gutters
sculpted abs / six pack / hypertrophy of the Rectus abdominis
death by monster
A method of execution effected by means of confinement with a savage creature.
Italian t-shirt
An especially hairy chest.
Episode 51: X-Men Origins: Wolverine @38:00
lucky pierre
The guy in the middle of a gay threesome.
Episode 96: Dream House @25:15
naked horror movie
A horror film featuring naked people.
Episode 195: The Golden Child @29:40
sammich
sandwich
Episode 61: Surrogates @30:15
seneschal
The highest-ranking servant in a medieval great house.
Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas @4:50
shit sandwich
A criticism technique where one negative item comes between two positives.
sprue
The frame that plastic model kits come on.
Episode 105: A Thousand Words @35:20
turd cutter
ass

Stuart Wellington: GlobeflopperEdit

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Notable QuotablesEdit

  • ­I want everyone to know that I hate 40 Days and 40 Nights. And if you see it in a video store, you should rent it and then throw it away. You should destroy it. [...] This is gonna come and bite me in the ass, but: if you do that and you get fined, I will find a way to get you that money.
         —Episode 10: Good Luck Chuck @38:25
  • ­If Pixar movies have taught us anything, you don't need a good script to have a great animated movie. You need a bunch of explosions, killer robots, shit like that.
         —ibid. @16:00
  • ­Every day that we're alive and demons aren't killing our babies is a gift.
         —Episode 62: Legion @01:25
  • ­Look at those rocks — it looks like a penis! Look at those rocks — they look like boobs!
         —Episode 88: Priest @25:10
  • ­I watch a lot of movies and listen to a lot of music for pleasure that's designed mainly to make you uncomfortable.
         —Episode 138: Foodfight! @27:40

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