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Tales of Ruck

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Ruckprints


Transcript courtesy of Shannon Campe (all hail Shannon Campe)

from Episode 158: Labor Day

Elliott: What does [Alan Ruck] do now?
Dan: Just hangs out.
Elliott:
Ruck6
I mean, he invented the rucksack. So he's rich.
Stuart: Oh yeah, for all his adventures --
Elliott: Acting is just a sideline he does as a hobby.
Dan: He invented a lint roller he calls the Ruck n' Roller.
Stuart: Ssssssure.
Elliott: And of course, Ruck Rocks; they're just rocks he found that he'll mail to you for like a hundred bucks.
Stuart: The irony is, he can't carry all of his riches in one of his patented rucksacks.
Elliott:
Rucksack
They're too small, they're too small. Although legend tells of Alan Ruck's original rucksack, that it in fact was a door to a pocket dimension that had no limits...
Dan: [Gasping laughter]
Elliott: Anything could be stored in it, and he used it on his many adventures out with death, a various witches.
Dan and Stuart: [Guffawing]
Dan: The point is, he's lived an amazing life.
Elliott: Look, many are the myths and legends of Alan Ruck, from how he won the role of Cameron in a card game with God, to how his years on Spin City, uh, were also spent while being the king of the elves.
Dan: [Laughter that is becoming sobs]
Stuart: Sssssure.
Elliott: He was just a stand-in king of the elves for a time, until the Elf Prince came of age. That Elf Prince's name? Matthew Broderick.
Stuart: Huh huh, yep. He followed his father, Oberon—
Elliott: His father, Oberon Ruck.
All: [Laughter]
Stuart: Obroderuck, I get it.
Elliott: Matthew Oberoderuck, oh yeah, they're brothers, you didn't know that? Alan Ruck is half-elf. He's so tall, you didn't know—
Stuart: Matthew Broderuck's brother!
Elliott: BroderuckahahahaHAHAHA!
All: [Strangled laughter, unsteady clapping]
Elliott: And in the elfin tongue, Broderuck, yeah, means "brother of Ruck!"
Dan: Ill met by moonlight, Ruck.
Elliott: Pea's Blossom! Meet ye, Ruck!
Stuart: Huh.
Dan: Mustard Seed.
Elliott: Mustard Se--! Ohhhh. And there's that time of course when Alan Ruck's head was replaced with that of an ass.
Dan: [High-pitched giggling]
Stuart: [Claps]
Elliott: Yes the tales! I could sit for hours, spinning tales of Alan Ruck and his many quests; the many maidens he bedded, and villains he foiled—
Dan: [Sobbing]
Elliott: The gold he found; the bed linens he soiled—
Dan: [Hysterical giggling]
Elliott: The years he toiled, the seas that roiled, the girls he goyled, and of couls—and of course--
Stuart: Couls!?
Elliott: And of couls, Agent Coulsen. A hearty fellow, and a battle-mate to Alan Ruck.
Dan and Stuart: [High pitched squeaks of hilarity and despair]
Elliott: As side by side, they fought, I guess, like, the Red Skull and the King of the Norns.
Dan: [Weeping]
Elliott: Oh, Alan Ruck.
Dan: I would love if this started an internet meme on the level of the Chuck Norris meme—
Elliott: Ruck Norris—
Dan: Alan Ruck is a folk hero—
Stuart: He's like a Munchausen figure—
Dan: [Laughing]
Elliott: He's a fairy tale hero. I heard it was Alan Ruck who killed the Big Bad Wolf!
Stuart: Sure, sure—
Elliott: — And freed Little Red Riding Ruck—
Dan:
Tales of Ruck
Uhhh. The tales of Alan Ruck riding that cannonball --
Stuart: The reason why the moon hides its face most of the time was cuz of the shame that Alan Ruck gave him when bedding the wife of the Moon King.
Elliott: And that's why the castle in chess are called rucks.
Dan and Stuart: [Cackling, more slapping of hands]
Stuart: And why mountains are made of little rucks!
Elliott: They say he, they say he bore a child with a bear, Teddy Ruckspin.
Dan and Stuart: [Squeals, gasping]
Elliott: And so a bear that could speak English, as if man or woman roams the Earth with his caterpillar friend. The caterpillar is not the child of Alan Ruck. And of course, who could forget Robin Hood's faithful sidekick, Friar Ruck. The name was corrupted over the years into "Tuck."
Dan: Ah!
Elliott:
Ruck Everlasting
As was, of course, the basis of the book Ruck Everlasting.

And, might I say, Ruck Norris --
Dan: [Laughs so hard he's screaming]
Elliott: Father of Chuck Norris.
Stuart: STOP.
Dan: [Barely able to speak] This is so tangentially linked to the movie.
Elliott: And in some counties in Ireland, they still say "Good Ruck to you!"
All: [Laugh]
Elliott: And... to be surprised --
Stuart: Shut up! No --
Elliott: — to be surprised is still to have "the Ruck pulled out from under you," for Alan Ruck allowed old men to stand on him when crossing muddy streets --
Stuart: [Cackling]
Dan: [Coughing, choking, dying]
Elliot: Then he would roll aside, thrusting the old grandfathers into the mud, as to have a hearty chuckle. Oh, he was a charming rogue.
Dan: Oh boy.
Elliott: So what movie were we talking about? Labor Ruck?
Dan: Huh huh, yep.
Elliott: Ohhhhh... man.
Dan: We were talking about the Legend of Ruckules.
Elliott: We could talk about RuckTales 'til the cows came home!
Dan: HA HA HA HAAAA!
Elliott: Ruck tales a woo-woo, might solve a mystery, maybe re-Ruck history.
Dan: [Laughing, running out of breath]
Elliott: Ruckules, you said?
Dan: Yeah --
Elliott: What's that, twelve labors of Ruckules?
Dan: Yeah.
Elliot: Oh. Or is that just Truckules? And of course Ruck's truck, he drove around in.
Dan: Oh boy.
Elliott: Who could forget when a young --
Dan: It's still going!
Elliott: -- Robert Crumb met him and was inspired to say "Keep on Ruckin'."
Dan: Ugh. Words.
Elliott: In the free world.
Dan: Words certainly do sound like other words.
Elliott: Keep on ruckin' in the free world, indeed.
Dan: They sure do.
Party Rucking
RuckRise

When the Flophouse resuruckted Alan Ruck's career

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